Top 10 Logical Reasons Why Silva Lost

By Masato Toys

 

To the veteran and savvy MMA fan, the recent loss of G.O.A.T. contender Anderson Silva to relatively unknown Chris Weidman is something that few of us can un-boggle our minds from. It was nothing like any of us expected, and has rocked our realities and belief systems to the core.

So for those who may be suffering from PTSD (Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder), Masato Toys is here to offer you the top 10 logical reasons to hopefully bring some sense to this baffling and deeply disturbing conundrum.

 

10. The UFC Poster Curse

The infamous UFC Poster-of-Doom first started as a humble internet joke prediction in 2010. But as the prophecy of the featured champions’ demises began to come true, the possibility that there may actually be a curse continues to gain relevance. From left to right, BJ Penn lost his belt in April. The Dragon fell just one month later. Then Brock… and now Silva. If this unholy power of the poster truly is in tune with the demonic/spirit realm, there was nothing Anderson could do; the MMA Gods have spoken, and his fate was already sealed. (Big bets on Hendricks, yo).

 

 

 

9. Fedor’s Guru Did Some Orthodox Russian Voodoo Shit

The hopes that every hardcore MMA fan had of seeing Fedor Emelianenko in the Octagon will forever be buried in a depressing grave of regret. Fedor’s manager Vadim Finklestein and Dana White could never agree on a contract, and The Last Emperor was forced to end his career in the now dead and sub-par organization Strikeforce, rather than going out in a cloud of UFC glory as he should have. But could this feud between Finklestein and Dana still be alive? Photo-enhancement of the UFC 162 crowd clearly shows Fedor’s Spiritual Advisor/Guru Father Andrey, who is rumored to have been the secret magical source of Fedor’s success. What was he doing at UFC 162? Could he have been there to bring revenge on the UFC by metaphysically dismantling their greatest star?

 

 

 

8. Steven Segal was distracted by Arianny Celeste

It has long been known that Steven Segal has been a key player in the coaching, training, and development of Anderson Silva’s legendary championship run. Silva openly refers to Segal as ‘Sensei’, and Segal has even taken verbal credit for teaching him the very kick that so spectacularly knocked out Vitor Belfort. For his fight at UFC 162, Segal was again present at ringside to support his protégé. However many in the front rows noticed that during the break after the first round, Segal had let his attention slip from the champion, and had become completely distracted and infatuated by Ring Girl Arianny Celeste. Could this mental disconnection be responsible for Silva’s mojo breaking? Seems a highly legit possibility. (Thanks a lot, Stevey.)

 

 

 

7. Matt Serra has some serious ‘Upset-Juju’

The only other upset in UFC history that could eclipse Weidman’s win was when Matt Serra made his legendary TUF comeback to KO Georges St. Pierre in April of 2007 for the world welterweight title. Nobody saw it coming, and it will forever go down in history as being quite possibly the greatest upset in all of MMA. Amazingly, Matt Serra also happens to be Chris Weidman’s coach. Coincidence? This writer thinks not. Obviously, ‘The Terror’ Serra has some secret method for beating even the most outrageous odds. If anyone can get Serra to buy me a lottery ticket I would happily split the winnings with you.

 

 

 

6. The Kiss of Death

The night before the fight, Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman inexplicably smushed their mouths together. It was an uncomfortable and embarrassing spectacle to see for fight-fans everywhere, and no amount of ring-girl presence on stage could eliminate the wincing of alpha-males and homophobes everywhere. Could this have gotten into Silva’s head during the fight? Replays have shown clearly that the initiation of Weidman’s KO sequence began with a strange wilting of the knees by the champ. Closer inspection of the tapes also show that Weidman may have made a puckering gesture less than a second before… -Could Silva have developed an unwanted secret man-crush on Weidman? Could a sudden flash-memory of their weigh-in kiss during the fight be the reason why Silva’s legs suddenly went limp? Could Weidman’s Clark-Kent good looks be an unstoppable secret weapon in his arsenal for opponents that may be anything less that 100% heterosexual? Let us not forget that the last time Silva kissed his opponent on the mouth, he also lost the fight. (see; Luiz Azeredo)

 

 

 

5. The Matrix Might be Breaking

Many have suggested that Anderson Silva derives his unbelievable skills in the Octagon by being somehow tapped into the ‘Matrix’, like the character ‘Neo’ from the movies of the same name. Many more have suggested that such a ‘Matrix’ actually may exist, and that the films are more of a metaphor for our actual reality than mere fantasy. Indeed, the explosion of social media is awakening humanity exponentially every day to the hidden realities of our system. People all over the world are learning of the gargantuan scam of private/central banking that has essentially made every human being in the western world a slave to a global unnecessary/phantom debt. The lies we have been told of how our politics works, the histories of war, and the realities fed to us through mainstream media are rapidly crumbling apart as we wake up from the hypnosis and begin to re-examine the true state of our reality. Could this global collective conscious awakening have finally put a permanent crack in the ‘Matrix’? Could this crack have caused some kind of systems error in Anderson’s otherwise infallible operating system? We can only hope.

 

 

 

4. Anderson Had Been Watching Too Much ‘RiverDance’

You gotta admit, the similarity in style is pretty uncanny…

 

 

 

3. Weidman Had a Horseshoe Up His Ass

Look closely at the photo.

 

 

 

2. Anderson Was Being Mind-Controlled

According to the narrative of this online MMA Comic, everyone in the UFC is currently under mind control perpetrated by an evil Ariel Helwani. The tell for this mind control, according to the comic, is highly abnormal behavior in the Octagon, and the appearance of a slight red glowing of the eyes. At first glance, such a plotline would seem to be nothing but the far-fetched adolescent imaginings of a conspiracy-riddled victim of one-too-many psychedelic trips. But many recent bizarre events, and the appearance of a red glow in Silva’s eyes in the provided photo from the fight bring us to believe that the comic may actually be echoing true events, and be giving us a dire warning of a hidden agenda that is too grand for our conditioned rational minds to otherwise accept.

 

 

 

1. Silva Was Showboating Like a Dumbass, and Weidman Made Him Pay For It.